There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
