its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize