So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
