I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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