i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
