i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
