Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
