if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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