I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
