I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
