I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
