So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
