just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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