my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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