If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
