My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
