no, he came in my armpit
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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