Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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