She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
