Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
