i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
