What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
