I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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