did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize