We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
