The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
