Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
