ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
