Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
