I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
