We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
