Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
