I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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