what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
