you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My penis needs a shock collar
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's even glitter on my cock...
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