You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
