i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize