last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
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Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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