very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
