I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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