i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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