she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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