Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
