She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
