Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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