She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
