I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
