Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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