I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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