i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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