Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
