Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
