a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
