So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
