Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
