saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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