watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
