The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
