I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
